Grief

It catches me unexpectedly these days.

I skype with my friend one morning.  We laugh together, she shows me the quilt squares she is working on, I tell her about picking strawberries.  When we end the call I find myself unexpectedly in tears.

I don’t want to skype with my friends.

I rush into church late, during the sacrament song.  I sing the last verse, try to focus my thoughts, listen to the speakers, sing with the children in primary again.  Josh takes the kids home after church and Russ & I stay to be set apart for our new callings; me as a primary teacher and him to work with the deacons.  We walk out of church and unexpectedly again, tears. 

I want my old ward, my wonderful calling, my dear friends.

My days are so busy.  Making food, feeding kids, more unpacking, trying to outfit everyone for the pioneer trek next week, shopping, more cooking, it seems there is never enough time for everything.  I try to squeeze in a walk and a read aloud session and our day is over, long past what should have been bedtime.  I collapse into bed and snuggle with Russ and as I relax, often there are tears.

The days feel good; we are together and happy.  But in the quiet dark of the night, my heart grieves.