Monday, July 20, 2015

You can keep your perspective, please

Yesterday in between classes at church someone made a comment to me about our transition to Oregon. I said that things were better 3+ years in but that we still missed our friends and the North Carolina beaches. (Sharks and all!) She reminded me that Oregon has beaches too and then proceeded to explain to me the way she looks at things, and how I could look at things in this same way and then I wouldn’t be sad about having left my home.

I wanted to smack her. (No, I’m not super charitable, even at church!) This is a person, who with her husband chose to move to Oregon early in their marriage. They’ve lived in the same neighborhood for all of these years, only moving into a bigger house (in the same area) as their family grew. They had 2-3 kids when they moved here and their much-the-youngest 7th child leaves on a mission in 3 weeks, to give you an idea of how long they’ve been here.

Did I mention I wanted to smack her?

The thing is, I know she was trying to be helpful. “Here, if you look at thing from my perspective you won’t feel all of this terrible pain that you’ve been experiencing for so long!!!” But her offer of perspective felt like it negated my very real (and very painful) feelings, and as painful as they have been, they are honest and true and they are mine. It isn’t helpful to have someone say that if I’d looked at things in their way I would have been just fine.

Here’s the other thing, though. I’m good at perspective. Super good at it. I had a friend tell me recently that when she was in a moment where she needed perspective she called me. That statement gave me pause. She didn’t call me when she needed someone to mourn with her. She didn’t call me when she needed comfort. She called me when she was ready for perspective.

This tells me that perhaps I, too, have offered perspective where none was wanted. That I have at some point inadvertantly minimized someone’s pain with my suggestion about a different way to think of things. I hate the thought that I have ever made someone feel the way I felt yesterday, and I should perhaps just start apologizing to everyone I know.

And thank them for not smacking me. ;)

Friday, July 17, 2015

Maybe not lazy…

I always (always) feel like I am pretty lazy. Disorganized and lazy. But after this week I think I should lose that thought. I have been all alone since 4AM monday morning. I could have been eating bon-bons and watching tv and reading. Here is what I have done:

  • Read 2 books
  • Gone visiting teaching
  • Babysat Kate 2 afternoons
  • Fixed dinner for Mahon & CL one night
  • Run 9 errands one evening (seriously--I thought I would die when I had to walk across Lowes which was my last stop)
  • Taken 1/2 of fabric out of the sewing room and sorted it, cleaned off 1/2 of counters 
  • Cleaned out girls closet 
  • folded all folding clothes
  • taken down 3 shelves and put up closet rod instead (hence trip to Lowes)
  • put many many clothes from floor and laundry baskets on hangers 
  • organized clothes in rainbow colors 
  • took apart desk and removed from room 
  • slightly rearranged room 
  • vacuumed as I went 
  • cleaned out under beds 
  • put Jenna's beds on risers 
  • changed sheets on both beds & made them 
  • Put together new shelves for my shower 
  • cleaned entire bathroom including mopping floor & washing rug
  • got angel hats from girl’s camp ready to mail
  • cleaned & swept Harry Potter room
  • cleaned, swept, and mopped laundry room

I need to train my brain to think about myself differently. Because I don't think that is a lazy person. I think I am a person who has a hard time getting started on projects sometimes, and a person who transitions badly. But not lazy!

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Utah Weekend

I wrote before about deciding to go to Utah to get the girls' wisdom teeth out. What I haven't written about was that about 6 days after we got back from Utah I took Jared to the dentist to get his teeth cleaned, and the dentist gave me the very unexpected news that Jared needed his bottom wisdom teeth out RIGHT AWAY. I was stunned. In the fall when the orthodontist had said that Jenna needed hers out within 6 months, she'd said that Jared was probably good for at least a year. I was kicking myself for not taking him to Utah and just being done with it. (Though no one would have traveled home as comfortably if I'd had 3 kids with me instead of 2.)

That day at the dentist's office I remembered something that I hadn't remembered the day I got the big estimate from the oral surgeon with Jenna: that a family had moved into our ward a few months ago and the husband had just opened a new oral surgery practice. I thought that maybe his prices would be a little lower than the big well-established practice so I took Jared in to see him. The estimate they gave me for Jared's 2 bottom wisdom teeth was $150. (The top won't be able to come out for a few years.) I had a moment of "what if." What if I'd remembered about him months ago, what if I'd brought both girls here instead of taking them to Utah?

Almost immediately images and memories from my weekend in Utah filled my mind, and I realized that I had no regrets about my weekend. Here is a listing of experiences that I'm so glad to have had:

  • Listened to great books on tape with the girls.  (Book of 1000 Days & Cheaper By the Dozen)
  • Spent the night in Logan with friends we haven't seen in a long time.
  • Saw my cousin’s tiny new baby.
  • Had the amazing experience of going to Robby's wedding.
  • Saw my kids (the girls and Jason) enjoy being with their cousins.
  • Was able to have a long conversation with someone that's been unhappy with me.
  • Hung out with my sisters.
  • Spent time with my aunts and uncles.
  • Saw lots of other family at the wedding & reception.
  • Spent the night at Andra's which is always such fun and I haven't done since Cindy Lynn moved to Utah.
  • Went to the Payson Temple open house--twice!
  • Saw the progress on the new Provo City Center Temple.
  • Spent lots of time with Jason.
  • (witnessed firsthand Jason's roommate situation...making out behind a pillow with his girlfriend on the couch...though that experience isn't a plus!)
  • Had Jason's help with the girls right after their surgery.
  • Spent an evening with my dad and saw my brother Grant there as well.
  • Was able to focus just on the girls (and the driving) without any distractions the next day.

As all of these thoughts flooded my mind I realized--while it may not be conventional to drive your kids 900 miles to get their wisdom teeth out, it was a real blessing in my life and I have no regrets.