The Zen Snorkeler

Many years ago we laughed at a line from a movie that said that Mormons could be Buddhist too.  Over the years I've come to see that there is a lot of wisdom in Buddhism that I could benefit from.

The first day Jenna and I went snorkeling we got in the water, went to the right, and almost immediately saw a turtle!  What were the odds?!?  (I mean they weren't terrible because of where we were, but it was still a surprise.)  After we snorkeled for a while we got out, had a snack, and warmed back up.  Then when we got in again and went to the left, we saw even more turtles!  So awesome.

The next morning we got up and went to a different snorkel spot.  (Dumps, henceforth to be referred to as Konahena to pay tribute to it's beauty!) I knew that we would see a lot more fish there since it was part of the marine preserve, but I also knew that if we were set on seeing turtles, all of the fish in the world wouldn't be satisfying.  So I told Jenna before we started that we needed to be a little Zen about our snorkeling, and appreciate whatever we saw each time rather than deciding that we weren't going to enjoy it unless we saw something specific.  (Meaning turtles, of course.) She agreed with me that it would be smart to think about it like that. 

Happily, we saw turtles most of the times we were snorkeling.  But we were also able to enjoy the other things because we had decided that we were going to be happy with whatever happened.

Whatever we saw was going to be amazing, which I think is a pretty good way to live.

What are you dragging behind you?

Jenna and I just got back from her senior trip in Maui.  Turns out when I'm snorkeling I have a lot of time to think deep thoughts!

Jenna and I did something that Russ and I had enjoyed doing last time we were in Maui.  We walked to Ahihi Cove from the Konahena (Dumps) parking lot wearing our water shoes and carrying fins.  Then at Ahihi Cove we put the water shoes in the mesh bag, put on our fins, and we snorkeled back to Konahena from Ahihi.  I put the drawstring of the mesh bag over my head & shoulder and snorkeled with it and could almost not tell I had it with me.  

About 15 years ago we went to the Big Island with two other couples.  One day we rented kayaks and kayaked across Kealakekua Bay to snorkel at the Captain Cook monument.  (The Big Island doesn't have as many "from the shore" snorkel spots as Maui does.) One of the couples pulled a boogie board behind them to use while snorkeling.  We were all kayaking along, and then we realized that two of us were FAR ahead of the third couple.  At first we couldn't figure out why the third couple was having a harder time, and then we realized that it was the boogie board slowing them down.  Sure enough, once they held the boogie board they started moving faster.

As I snorkeled out of Ahihi Cove with Jenna that day I marveled at how easy it was to tow the bag with the shoes along with me.  I don't think I would have predicted that.  It was completely worth doing, since having the shoes with us meant that we could have a different and unique snorkel experience.  But I also thought about how I wouldn't have guessed that a boogie board (which floats on it's own) would exert such drag on a kayak that day at Keakalekua Bay.  

The thought came to me that in life it's important to pay attention to what things are weighing us down and/or holding us back.  Sometimes things that we think are unimportant or even positive might actually be negative.  And things that might at first glance seem like they'd have a negative effect might help us and nor be negative at all.  Definitelly something to think about...

My Climber

She climbs on the rocks on the other side of the beach, slightly more than a small dot of color when viewed with my glasses and invisible without.  Every now and then, I raise the completely zoomed in camera to try to take a picture, and always, within a moment or two, she raises her arms in a victory sign.

She is my child who chafes at attention and notice, who wants a little more space and to be a little more grown up.  But it is clear as she is climbing, that almost as much as I am watching her, she is looking across the beach at me.

When she reaches the top of the final outcropping she pauses again with arms outstretched, waiting for me to signal that I've gotten the picture. To some degree she is humoring me--I know this.  But I hope that there more to it than that.  I hope that she also feels this connection, that despite the distance between us, we savor her experience, together.

A day in three acts

[Normally I love Mondays.  Josh takes the kids to school and the van to work, and I get to sleep in (good in these times of nighttime pain), have a slower morning, then I walk to the max at the post office and take the max to meet him.  He picks me up and we drive to his apartment in Hillsdale and then I come home with the van, usually just in time to deal with dinner.  Today, however...today was a day.]

On Thursday or Friday an email went out from the Relief Society saying that there had been a death in the ward and asking for food contributions for the funeral on Monday.  I told the RS president that I was happy to make a cake, but that she'd have to pick it up because I wouldn't have a car and would be on my way to the max station to meet Josh.

On Sunday evening I went to the pantry to get a cake mix out to put on the counter so that I wouldn't forget that I'd promised to make this cake.  Much to my surprise when I got to the pantry all of the cake mixes were gone, having been used to make cupcakes over the past few months. 

"No problem," I thought, "I've made plenty of cakes from scratch and I can certainly do it again..."

......

Act I  Before Noon

Monday morning I woke at the lovely hour of 10am.  I'd had quite a bit of pain in the night, so I was relieved that I had been able to sleep later.  I took my time waking up, had a glass of electrolyte water and my handful of vitamins, and then came into the kitchen to start making my cake.  I googled to find a good recipe, softened my butter, and then started to preheat the oven.  Right as I was pushing the last button I had a sinking realization...Russ had used every last bit of flour Saturday night to make pancakes for the girls for dinner.  Every. Last. Bit.

On a regular day I would have just run to the store to buy a cake mix.  But, of course, it was Monday, my day with no car. 

I grabbed the computer and wrote a desperate email to my ward's women's email list. 

Sisters I am totally having a crisis.  

I promised to make a cake by 2 for the funeral today thinking that I had a mix in my pantry.

Well---not only do I NOT have a mix in the pantry, Russ used the last of the flour making pancakes!  (what a good dad to make pancakes for his kids!)

And wait--it gets better!  I don't have a car today because Josh has it at his job, AND I have to leave here by 12:45 (1 hour and 40 minutes from now) to take the max to meet him because the triplets all have dentist's appointments today!  

Can anyone help me out???  If you have a solution for my problem, text me.  I'll be anxiously waiting to hear from you.  Any of you.  Anxious...

Cindy

I trusted that the good women in my ward would come through for me and within 2 minutes my phone rang with an offer to take care of the whole thing for me, then came another phone call offering either cake mix or flour, and lastly and email offering cake mix or flour *and* a ride to the max!  I happily thanked everyone and went out to sit in the hot tub for a little while. 

----

Act II  Noon-4:30pm

I didn't leave myself quite enough time for my normal cottage cheese & frozen blueberry breakfast, so I put it in a tupperware in my backpack (that held Rachel's book for after the dentist), grabbed another water bottle of electrolyte water, picked a podcast, and took off for the post office.  I made such good time I was there 6 minutes early and didn't even have to jog at all! 

While I was on my way my friend Susan texted me with some questions she wanted to be able to discuss with someone in her ward.  I thought about those and looked for some links while I was on the max, and told her that I'd call her after I'd dropped Josh off, while I was on my way to pick up Jared and then the girls for their dentist's appointments.

Josh and I had a fun visit on the way to his apartment (and I finally finished my breakfast), and when I dropped him off I immediately called Susan.  She's always such fun to talk to and was excited to hear that I'd been to a Terryl and Fiona Givens fireside on Saturday.  We hadn't even finished covering her questions when I picked up Jared and drove him to the dentist.  (It will be interesting to see what he took from the part of the conversation he heard!)

I dropped him off, kept chatting, drove back to Glencoe, picked up the girls, drove them back to the dentist and dropped them off, still talking.  Then I sat in the Costco parking lot (where I went to buy some flour!) and chatted for 15 more minutes before saying goodbye so I could go in and do my shopping in the few minutes before I needed to be back at the dentist's office. 

I had been so involved talking to Susan that I never had thought to drink my 2nd bottle of electrolytes, but there in the last few minutes I was really thirsty.  Then when I was in Costco I went to the bathroom and I was a little alarmed at how obviously dehydrated I was.  Not sure how that happened, I'm normally (not that this day was anything normal!) really good at hydrating!

-----

Act III  After 4:30

As I started loading my Costco purchases into the van I got a text from Lorraine, reminding me that last night we'd planned to walk at 5 today so we could talk about the fireside. I told her that the dentist was running late and that I wasn't sure what time I'd be back.  She agreed to meet me at 5:30, but then while the kids and I were on the way home she texted that she was exhausted (she was very involved with the family having the funeral today) and that she was going to head back to Vancouver and would call me on the way home so we could just talk on the phone.  (My feet weren't sad not to walk again today.)

When I got home I put some rice in the rice cooker and then we unloaded all of the groceries.  When Lorraine called I grabbed my headset again and more electrolytes and sat down (exhausted!!) in my room to talk with her.  We had such a fun time talking about the different questions and answers at the fireside!  Before I knew it she was home and saying gooodbye and I was Ready. For. Dinner. 

Russ had come home while I was talking, deboned the chicken, added the Costo curry sauce, and started eating with the girls.  I got a plate and sat down with them at the table, saying with a tired sigh, "I may be out of words today.  😉 And I am Ready. For. Bed."

Mother thoughts

We often sit behind a young family in church.  I usually watch the motion of the children and am grateful for this place in time, when my kids (usually) sit still without needing my attention and I'm able to focus more fully on the meeting. 

Today, though, I watched the 6 year old boy snuggle up against his mom and watched her lean her face against his head, and for a moment I was jealous.

You see, I still love my kids like that.  I still think they're adorable and amazing.  I would love to tuck them under my arm and rest my head against theirs... But I know exactly the resistance and discomfort that that would bring.  Every now and then I get a moment, but for the most part I feel like mothering these adults and almost-adults is mothering at a little distance rather than the mothering with all of the snuggling.

I wouldn't trade.  My grown and almost grown children are so amazing.  I'm delighted by the people they're becoming.  

But sometimes I do miss the snuggles.