Sunday, June 19, 2016
Monday, June 13, 2016
[disclaimer: I have used the terms "up" and "down" only to mean having more money and the opportunities money can provide. These terms are not meant in any other way.]
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Lately it's been looking pretty scratched. Let's be real. For a long time it's been looking pretty scratched, and lately it's been looking terrible. I *knew* that, but it was the kind of thing I never noticed in a moment where I could do anything about it and that never stayed in my memory for very long.
Finally there was the perfect conjunction; the stars aligned and I ordered a new screen protector. I begged Jared (one of my tech guys) to put it on for me and I walked away. Some time later he told me it was done and I came and got it.
All I can say is
It was so CLEAR! It was so BRIGHT! It was amazing and for the rest of the night and most of the next day I just stared at it in amazement every time I looked at it.
I can see clearly, now, I thought. And I had no idea how un-clearly I *had* been seeing.
Then I started thinking...
For so many years in my life I was confused by part of a verse in the New Testament,
"For now we see through a glass, darkly..."
What on earth did it mean to see through a glass darkly? It was really annoying to me, especially as the rest of the verse made a lot of sense to me and I really liked it. The first time I heard an explanation for this idea was such a relief to me--that it might have to do with seeing something, (or through something), but not very well.
As I looked at my phone with it's spiffy and shiny new screen protector I understood on a new level. Now that I was seeing my phone so well, I could see that for so long I hadn't been seeing it well at all. I could see that then I saw through a screen protector, scratched up. Which might be a lot like seeing through a glass darkly.
The most interesting thing to me, though, was the realization that while I knew I probably needed a new screen protector, I had no idea how bad the situation really was *until* I had the new screen protector.
Which made my brain that loves analogies wonder--where in my life am I seeing through a glass darkly without knowing it? Where do I think I have a little problem when there's actually a much bigger problem? Where will be the biggest surprise when I no longer see through a glass darkly??
Monday, May 30, 2016
But this tree will always speak to a part of me, a reminder of pain and time and healing.
Sunday, May 22, 2016
My memorizer is broke.
I suspected this for many years, and in the last 5 am certain.
I've gone from being a prolific and easy memorizer of anything and everything (music, poetry, scripture) to bring a frustrated never memorizer, not even of one measure of music.
All I can assume is that the triplets broke me. 😉
(Regardless of the cause, the situation exists.)
Several years ago I decided I wanted to memorize scriptures, and that I wanted to start with Paul's verses on charity. They are beautiful to me, and since I struggle to have charity in my daily life, I thought it a good place to start.
I printed out a full sheet of paper with these verses on it.
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
Charity suffereth long, and is kind;
charity envieth not;
charity vaunteth not itself,
is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own,
is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity,
but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things,
believeth all things,
hopeth all things,
endureth all things.
Charity never faileth.
Every day for a year I read and reread these verses as I stood in front if the bathroom mirror. It sounds pathetic, but at the end of the year I couldn't recite the whole thing--only small bits and pieces, and not in any good order. I pronounced my experiment a failure.
Today's topic in sacrament meeting was charity. The first adult speaker was going along with her talk, and then she said that she wanted to"read words from Paul."
Immediately (far quicker than my conscious mind could have responded) there was an upwelling of joy from my heart. She was going to read my beautiful verses! Verses that my heart loves!!
As she read each line I felt my heart grow warm and warmer until I felt filled with joy.
Can you imagine how surprised I felt?
All I can say is--perhaps my failed project
And perhaps it's time for a new scripture on the mirror.