In Which I Rant About the Electric Company

I do not feel well today.  My sinus allergies have morphed into a nasty sleep-stealing cough that hurts my throat and head.  I am tired, lethargic, and ornery to boot.  (I actually have no idea what “to boot” means, but it seemed to fit in the moment.)  And I need to call the electric company.  But first I will rant a while.

I normally am a fan of the electric company.  I used to be only neutral about utility companies in general, but then in the winter of 2002 our electric company (henceforth referred to as PayMore Electric) came through for us in a significant way.  During the now legendary Ice Storm of 2002 (spoken of reverently, and in capital letters) we were without power for only (I say ONLY) 24 hours.  Just one small half-block in our subdivision is serviced by PayMore Electric; the rest of our neighbors (including the other side of our street) are customers of the larger and better known Duke Power.  (No affiliation with Coach K or his basketball team.) 

Anyway, back to my story.  In the winter of 2002, Rachel, Jenna, and Jared were an adorable 2.5 years old.  They were so cute. 

And still entirely without rational thought.  Which made it hard to convince them that they should be dressed inside our dark-as-a-tomb house as if they were going to play in the snow.  We piled on the clothes; undershirt, regular clothes, footie pajamas, coats, and hats.  But still they were cold and difficult to live with in our 50 degree home.  (It is possible that it was me who was difficult to live with…but for the purposes of this narrative we’ll stick with my version.)  You know how a power outage in the spring feels—like a mandatory campout, a chance to roast marshmallows over the grill and play Uno by lantern-light?  Well a power outage in the frigid winter holds none of those charms.  And a power outage with three toddlers was a very special misery.

That is why, when our power flared back on at 9:24 that evening (not that anyone was watching the battery operated clock, or anything) we rejoiced.  REJOICED.  We loved our electricity with a previously unknown fervor, one that could only have been understood by those who also suffered through the Ice Storm of 2002.

And then, once our toes were warm and our dirty dishes were washed, (because it turns out that having a well means a power outage=water outage, also a misery) we started making phone calls.  We called up our nearest and dearest to see if they had power yet (no!) and then begged them to come and camp out at our house.  (yes!)

Which turned a natural disaster into the world’s biggest slumber party, one that has had a book written about it, is re-enacted faithfully each winter, and is talked about fondly (in capital letters) to this day. 

 

I’m sure you could see why this feat of power-restoration, this salvation from misery and at the same time provision for partying on a hitherto unknown level was enough to endear PayMore Electric to us for many years to come.

 

But this year the warm-and-fuzzy feelings end.  And it’s all because of level pay.

 

Each year PayMore Electric (theoretically) looks at our past year’s electrical bills and calculates a total, which if paid out over the next eleven months, will just about cover our electrical bills for the year.  The twelfth month is the ‘settle-up’ month, in which PayMore refunds any money we’ve paid above the total of our bills (unlikely unless we switch to candlelight and pumping well water by hand) or we pay PayMore the difference between what we’ve already paid and what we still owe.  For many years this system worked fairly well, (keeping those warm-and-fuzzy feelings alive) but I must assume that they have replaced their computer with a trained monkey who now does their accounts. 

It started several years ago, when settle-up month found us needing to pay a significant amount to PayMore Electric.  Much to my surprise their calculation for the next year’s monthly payment was even lower than the previous year!   So I called them and requested a higher payment.  Their trained monkey was surprised but amenable and that year’s settle-up month went more smoothly. 

Then last summer we got a new heating/cooling system.  I didn’t know what to plan.  Would the more efficient cooling system result in a dramatic drop in our electric bill?  Would the dual fuel heat pump/propane furnace result in a dramatic increase?  I finally decided we should just go with PayMore’s calculation and consider this year a electric bill experiment.

 

Ouch.

 

Last month was settle-up month, and PayMore Electric drafted our bank account the painful sum of well over 500 dollars.  Let me just say that again.

 

Ouch.

 

Yesterday’s mail brought next month’s electric bill, with it’s new level-pay total.

Can you guess?

 

It’s $50/month LOWER than this last year!!!  What is the monkey thinking?!?  Or perhaps a better question, what is the monkey smoking?!?!?

And that is why I will be calling PayMore Electric’s trained monkey and raising our level pay amount again.  Although I’ve now spent enough time writing about it that I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to do the calling…

 

 

PS—I guess I should elaborate for those of you not fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on your interpretation of the events) to live through the Ice Storm of 2002, that for most poeple the power was off for 5-7 days, and in some cases as long as 2 weeks. 

 

PPS—just in case I wasn’t clear enough about how darned cute 2.5 year old triplets were, here’s another sample.