This I Know (part 1)

Recently when I had a lot of time alone in a car I listened to Elder Bednar's talk from the last conference--twice. He told the story that on the day that he and his wife had learned that a dear family friend had died, a visiting general authority made the suggestion that his wife include only expressions of gratitude in their family prayer. In October when I was listening to Elder Bednar give this talk, I was immediately offended in his behalf. How dare another person--even a general authority--tell them what and how to pray? This general authority had no idea of the situation their family was experiencing and should not have been telling them how to pray. (Yes it's true--I do argue with church leaders in my mind!)

I think my irritation with that counsel caused me to miss out on what came next in his talk. In fact, I didn't really start to understand it until I listened for the second time in the car. Elder Bednar explained:

Sister Bednar responded in faith to the direction she received. She thanked Heavenly Father for meaningful and memorable experiences with this dear friend. She communicated sincere gratitude for the Holy Ghost as the Comforter and for the gifts of the Spirit that enable us to face adversity and to serve others. Most importantly, she expressed appreciation for the plan of salvation, for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, for His Resurrection, and for the ordinances and covenants of the restored gospel which make it possible for families to be together forever.

Our family learned from that experience a great lesson about the power of thankfulness in meaningful prayer. Because of and through that prayer, our family was blessed with inspiration about a number of issues that were pressing upon our minds and stirring in our hearts. We learned that our gratefulness for the plan of happiness and for the Savior’s mission of salvation provided needed reassurance and strengthened our confidence that all would be well with our dear friends. We also received insights concerning the things about which we should pray and appropriately ask in faith.

I started to understand that even though Sister Bednar didn't pray about the death of their friend in the way that seemed (to me) most obvious, the Lord still blessed them with the understandings that they needed at that time.

The thing that was interesting to me about this experience was that the information came to them in a sideways sort of way (sorry, I can't think of a better way to explain it) rather than in the logical ask->receive format that I would expect.

As I thought about this that night in the car I realized that I have been having a similar experience in my own life. For more than 6 months I've been having a lot of questions about prayer and how it works in our lives. It started when my wonderful brother in law was laid off last summer--right after all three of his children entered the MTC. I prayed fervently that he would find a new job, of course. But in the back of my mind many questions surfaced. Sure, I wanted to pray for him. But what good did my prayers really do? Would Heavenly Father actually withhold some blessing from him if I didn't add my prayers? Was there a critical mass--a "tipping point" at which some blessings would become available if enough people prayed? What if Heavenly Father didn't mean for him to have a new job right then? What benefit was it--to either him or me--for me to pray for him?

My questions about prayer have resurfaced as I have worried and prayed about my friend Katie. I have felt like I have probably wearied the Lord with my prayers for her and her family. And I have been constantly aware that when I pray I have so many questions and what feels like no understanding at all.

I have (of course) talked with many people about the questions going on in my mind. I've gotten all sorts of different responses--from "don't think about it and just keep praying" (yeah, right!) to "I don't know either." And so I keep thinking, and talking, and praying--hoping that at some point I will begin to understand more. (Let me clarify my "yeah right!" response. Of course I will keep praying. But no one who truly knows me would ever, ever think that I can just stop thinking about it!)

In the last few weeks I've become aware that some different thoughts and feelings have started to emerge. It seems that as I've spent all of this time exploring the things that I don't understand, some truths that I do understand have started to stand out--almost coming in from my peripheral vision as I stare at the question of prayer. It has been a quiet relief to realize that even though I have so many questions about prayer, I also have some firm points of testimony to hold on to.

These truths turn out not to be about prayer at all; instead they have to do with having faith about the kinds of situations that I've been praying about.

Stay tuned for Part 2!