How I learned not to be so narrowminded

(Warning: names have been turned into initials to protect the innocent. Who might not want you to know that I consider them friends...)

Many years and many miles (and many beaches!) ago, Russ and I, along with 18 month old Cindy Lynn, moved from BYU to Idaho.

In the first couple of weeks that we lived there a nice family invited us over for dinner. We had a pleasant evening, but I remember thinking as we drove away, "We could never be friends with them...they have a 12 year old and are way too old to be our friends!"

Now in my defense, we had just come from the most homogenized population possible. BYU's married student housing.

But really. How stupid could I be?

I am afraid that I must admit that this mental short sightedness continued, and probably helped contribute to the loneliness that I felt in our first year there.

Lucky for me S moved into our ward. She was almost exactly my age and we became friends. One Sunday night we were eating dinner at her house, along with several other couples. I had been walking regularly and wanted to find someone to walk with me. "Hey, is anyone interested in walking a couple of mornings a week?" I threw it out there, and much to my surprise, D, a much younger newlywed answered. She might have even been....gasp...5 years younger than me! I thought to myself--this person is not the person I want to exercise with. But there was no way to extricate myself gracefully, and so we made a date to start walking. And guess what. She turned out to be a delightful friend--bubbly and effervescent and always fun to be around. We exercised together for a long time before our schedules diverged, and we continued to be good friends. But I was still pretty sure that friends were generally about the same age.

Several years later our family moved to North Carolina. Heavenly Father blessed me with an immediate friend. J had children the right ages and we had a lot in common. And she was just a few years older than me. I was set. After a year in NC Heavenly Father sent me a new visiting teacher--K. And for a year or so she was just that--a visiting teacher. A sweet young girl who was hardly more than a newlywed. But then I found out that my mom had cancer and was dying. My visiting teacher had already experienced the loss of a parent in her (young) life, and so she was there for me in ways that J, my same-aged friend was not able to be. And by the end of that traumatic year I realized something startling. K was my friend--even though she was 7 years younger than me! Much to my surprise I realized that the things we had in common connected us far more than the years between us separated us.

It was a blessing that I learned this lesson, because within a few years J moved and left me with a shortage of potential friends that were exactly the right age. Thankfully I had my young friend K, and then later N, who was 8 years older than me, and M, a few years older than that. And eventually A who was my age. Each woman filled a different and vital role in my life-- even if they weren't the same age as me.

Now I organize (very loosely) a book club each month in our ward. Every month I come home very late and my sleeping husband groggily asks, "How was it?" And every month I think that my heart & soul are full from an evening of talking with this group of friends. Talking first about the book, and then about our lives and children and worries and joys. And laughing like I do few other places. And the funny thing about it is, I am so much older than these book club friends. Some of them are only a few years older than my oldest child. I am almost as old as some of their mothers. Fortunately for me, they are not as short-sighted as I have been. They welcome me enthusiastically and seem not to notice my gray hairs.

Several years ago we made friendship angels at church. I made 4 for several dear friends. One of the women asked questioningly why I would make so many angels. What can I say? When it comes to friends, I have an embarrassment of riches. Older friends. Younger friends. And a few that are just my age. I consider myself truly blessed.

Monday, while waiting for my mammogram, I read in an old Ladies Home Journal "The ongoing Harvard Nurses Health Study found that the more friends that a woman has, the less likely she is to develop physical impairments as she ages."

I think that bodes well for me... :)