I met a very bright young woman this evening who was here to visit Duke University. Over the course of our conversation she told me that she had also applied to BYU as well as some of the University of California schools.
It was clear that she was seriously considering attending Duke, despite the price tag of $250,000 for a 4 year undergraduate education. (At this point she is not eligible for financial aid, though that may change.) She has been offered some type of scholarship for the UC schools, but through a fluke, only a one year renewable scholarship at BYU.
I could tell that she felt "dissed" by BYU--that she had only been offered this 1 year scholarship, and that because of this feeling she had pretty much decided that she didn't want to go to BYU. I said, "So even though you could attend BYU for 4 years for the cost of one year at Duke, you still wouldn't do it?"
"No," she responded, "because I just don't feel like they value me enough when they only offer me a one year scholarship."
I thought about that for a minute. Then I said to her that it would probably be tricky for her to set aside her feelings about who had offered what in order to make a decision about which college was the best place for her.
She looked at me blankly, and I tried again.
"You know, trying to figure out what Heavenly Father's plan is for you without letting your feelings get in the way--either your irritated feelings because you weren't offered the scholarship you wanted, or your warm and fuzzy feelings where you were offered a scholarship."
Again, the blank look. So I gave up.
Afterward I wondered. Have I taught this principle to my children? Taught them that there are more important criteria in decision making than who has stroked their ego best? (Or least?) Are we modeling well enough that we try to make decisions based on the guidance of the spirit?
If not, I apologize to my kids, particularly my older ones. And I will increase my efforts with my younger ones.
Because I can't afford to send them (not even one of them) to Duke. And more importantly than that, I want them where the Lord wants them. And even more importantly than that, I want them to want that too...
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I just hope she understands the enormity of the financial burden she's saddling herself and her future husband with. Not that I regret a minute of it (especially not the part where I met my husband!), but one thing I will be sure to do is impress upon my kids (since I don't anticipate being able to foot the entire bill- or even close) that this is something they could be paying for until their own kids are in college. That will be the case with us, unless we win the lottery!
ReplyDeleteI love that you are so good and understanding the "heart" and talking with people about it. This is such an important lesson to learn since it applies to decisions the rest of your life. I've had similar questions of motivation in my own life right now.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how good I am at this generally, but I AM at BYU and not Utah State, so consider that at the very least a one-time success.
ReplyDeleteBut she may also be a product of the over achievement culture that is evident in many of the students I see here at Duke, despite the balancing of worldly/spiritual motivations that we try to teach LDS youth (Katie and Eric excepted OF COURSE!) The extension of this is whether (and how well) we have taught our children that cost is not the only thing that expresses value.
ReplyDeleteThis is kind of a side note, I don't know if your friend knows this, but a lot of the time, if you are offered a scholarship at BYU, they are Merit based. If you do well the first year, they continue giving you the scholarship the following year, etc.. . something to keep in mind. At least, that's how it used to work. Lots of good schools out there . . .
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