The Love Dilemma

 

Once, many years ago, I helped a friend move.  Because of an unexpected winter storm she was leaving a day or two earlier than planned.  As I helped clean I overheard her calling people in her ward to say goodbye.  At the end of each phone call she cheerfully said, “Love ya!”

I was both annoyed and envious.  Annoyed because I was sure she was being overly casual in her use of the word love.  Surely she did not love all of these people!  She may have liked them, appreciated them, enjoyed going to church with them.  But love???

At the same time I envied her easy ability to express her love to so many.  I’ve always been able to tell my family that I love them.  Husband, children, parents, siblings—I tell them easily and often.  But anyone else?  There are many other people that I love deeply, and the feeling of wanting to express love has at times welled up inside of me, only to be stuck in my throat in fear and awkwardness.

 

When we knew that we were going to be leaving North Carolina and so many people that we truly loved, I resolved to step outside of my comfort zone and do a better job of telling people how I felt—I wanted them to know that I loved them.

 

I’d like to say that it felt great—that I felt peace at having finally expressed my true feelings.  But the reality was/is more complicated than that.  What I found was that I am not the only one with these issues.  Often my expression of love was received with discomfort, awkwardness and even a bit of deflection.  It made me sad that we have only this one word, love, and that in our society it is so completely associated with romantic and sexual love.

 

Greek scholars explain that in the New Testament there are several different Greek words for “love,” each one having a different meaning:

• eros—romantic or sexual love
• philia—a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity
• agape—general affection, holding someone in high regard, the word used to describe the relationship between Jesus and his beloved disciple

 

I wish we had a better way to express these feelings.  Because really, isn’t it a good thing to know that someone cares deeply for you?  Shouldn’t we want to be able to open our hearts to others in this way?  Maybe it’s just the extrovert in me, wanting to communicate better.  Maybe all of you introverts are just as happy keeping that all inside…but it’s sure bugging me…

 

PS--Wouldn’t it be obvious if I tell you I love you that there is only one person in this world that I love in a romantic & sexual way, and that that person is not you???  Unless you are reading this, Russ, and in that case I love you!