Lost Lamb That I Am

Several months ago I read a lovely blog post. The author expressed her gratitude for always having had a strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She included the lyrics from a Michael McLean song about being "one of the ninety and nine," referring to the parable of the lost lamb.

I've thought a lot about the parable of the lost lamb since reading that post.

For many years the only interpretation I understood for that parable was the one that my friend described—that the 99 lambs were the believers, and that the lost lamb was lost because he had left the group of believers. The shepherd then went off to find the lamb in order to reunite him with the other 99 sheep.

As a teenager I often felt lost and alone in my "ninety-nine-ness." I always had a testimony of the gospel, was active in the church, and felt pretty sure that in their concern for the lost lambs my leaders never even noticed me.

Early callings and experiences reinforced my limited understanding of the parable, always leaving me feeling that the shepherd was less concerned about me because I had a testimony.

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As I thought of my friends' post a line from one of my favorite Kenneth Cope songs kept running through my mind:

He leaves the fold to find me,
His touch reclaims, reminds me...

The interesting thing is that this song isn't about a crisis of faith that has caused the lamb to be lost. Instead, it is about a myriad of other things that separate us from Jesus Christ; ego, selfishness, envy, pride, distraction, temper, depression, etc.

In the last few years I have come to see how limited my understanding has been. I have seen that a lack of testimony is not the only thing that defines a lost lamb. Somewhere along the way I realized that I am the lost lamb, and that the shepherd seeks to rescue me. When I am ill, overwhelmed, or discouraged; in all of those moments I am the lost lamb, and he is trying to find and comfort me.

He leaves the fold to find me
His touch reclaims, reminds me
That His face is hope, and His name is Love.

I can't adequately explain the comfort this understanding brings to me—knowing that in all of the moments that I feel lost, the shepherd is out there looking for me.

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A couple of weeks ago I drove Josh around for a few hours delivering "Meals on Wheels." I was thinking again as we drove about the parable of the lost lamb. (After listening to me for a while Josh asked, "Mom, do you always spend this much time thinking about parables??") I realized as I was thinking that I had always misunderstood another key point in the parable. (I am embarrassed to admit how clueless I've been!)

Because I spent so many years as a young adult sitting in leadership meetings and being encouraged to "seek out the lost lambs to return them to the fold," my assumption was that the whole purpose of finding the lambs was to return them to the fold. But I think that the shepherd seeks out the lost lambs not just to return them to the fold, but so that they can be with the shepherd. What a difference that insight makes in my heart. Sure, fellowship is good and important. But not nearly as important as being with the shepherd.

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I also feel foolish admitting that for most of my life when I thought about the parable of the prodigal son I identified with the older brother. After all, I was living the gospel, fulfilling my callings, etc. Then I read a book by Robert Millet that explained that we need to look at how we are like each different person in the parable. Each of us, to some degree, are the prodigal son. To some extent we have left the Father and squandered our inheritance.

I love the verses that describe the return of the prodigal son.

But when he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him.

Isn't that the most beautiful image — the father waiting and watching for his son, and then running to throw his arms around him and to kiss him?

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I hope that my children can grow up with a better understanding of these parables than I have had. I hope that they will be able to find comfort in knowing that when they are lost — in any way — Christ is trying to find and comfort them. And I hope that they will know that when they return to the Father, even if they feel like they have squandered their entire inheritance and are only worthy to be servents, that he will be waiting and watching for their return so that he can run to them with love.