To Err is Human; to Forgive, Divine

 

I often find myself reading a book without any clear recollection of where on earth the recommendation came from to read this particular book.  This is definitely the case with the book “Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy.”

I thought the whole book would be about the shooting of the Amish schoolchildren, but it wasn’t.  The first part was about the Amish response to the tragedy, and the second part explored what in their lives/culture/history/doctrine would have prepared them to respond to this event with forgiveness.  The third part of the book was about forgiveness in general--what it means to all of us.  This part of the book was fascinating to me.  Forgiveness is something we talk a lot about without ever really defining anything, and I loved what this book said and the greater understanding it gave me.

 

When the Amish people were asked how they could have forgiven the man who killed their children, they all answered that their understanding was that if they wanted God to forgive them, they must first forgive others.  It was clear that this was not a one time belief, but a way that they all try to live their lives.  It was so interesting to realize that while we believe that we are supposed to forgive in order to be forgiven, we aren’t nearly this careful in an ongoing way to be forgiving. 

 

Forgiveness, the authors said, is a concept that everyone understands—until they’re asked to define it.  One author defines forgiveness this way:

When unjustly hurt by another, we forgive when we overcome the resentment toward the offender, not by denying our right to resentment, but instead by trying to offer the wrongdoer compassion, benevolence, and love.

He goes on to explain that in order for forgiveness to occur the offense must be taken seriously, the victims have a right to moral anger, and that in order for forgiveness to take place victims must be willing to “give up” their right to anger and resentment.  He finishes by saying that forgiveness is a gift to the offender, who may not necessarily deserve it.

I also found it interesting to read about what forgiveness does not mean: it is not forgetting what happened, condoning it or excusing it.  Forgiveness means admitting what was done wrong and should not be repeated.  Forgiveness is also not reconciliation, or the restoring of a relationship.  Reconciliation requires a renewal of trust, and sometimes that is not possible. 

There are different motivations for forgiveness: both theological and psychological reasons.  The theological motivation to forgive stems from the Christian belief that people should forgive others because God forgave them, and so that God will continue forgiving them.  The pychological motivations for forgiveness include a desire for emotional healing.  Research shows that when a person forgives it reduces anger, depression, anxiety and fear. 

 

I’m hoping that I can take these ideas to heart.  I certainly have a better understanding of what forgiveness really is than what I did before, and what both the spiritual and psychological reasons for forgiving are.  Which is much more than I anticipated when I started reading the book!

 

PS—Do you know why the Amish don’t drive cars, or have electricity or telephones in their homes?  It’s all about what would change their lives and take them away from their families.  So cars would make it too easy for them to spend time away from their families.  And when they do have telephones, the phones live in a small shack outside of their house, or in the barn.  So that it won’t interrupt family time.

Just thought that was interesting…