Monday, December 1, 2014

So this is 48

At our big family party on Saturday I was talking with several of my cousins about how strange it is to find suddenly that we are the adults at the family gatherings—that we are the same age that our parents were when we thought they were so old.  My aunt says that she has a hard time believing that—at 70—she is now one of the “old folks” and she fully expects to see a 19 year old girl looking back from the mirror at her every morning.  I totally get that…I can’t believe that I’m this close to 50, or that I still feel in my brain like 24.

Here is a snapshot of who I am at 48.

  1. 48 doesn’t feel her age
  2. except in that achy sacro-iliac
  3. 48 still wants to stay up late
  4. and sleep in every morning
  5. 48 is trying to be more disciplined…it’s still a struggle
  6. 48 is trying to unlearn many things learned early in life
  7. trying to sort out truths from platitudes and cultural assumptions
  8. 48 is more gray than not
  9. 48 doesn’t like crowds
  10. or lots of noise
  11. loves books and ideas
  12. 48 loves a good heart to heart conversation like few other things
  13. 48 still struggles with many of the same things that 47 did, and 46, and 45…dang it!
  14. 48 has only barely been out of the US, but is fine with that
  15. 48 is accustomed to living in Oregon, but not entirely resigned
  16. 48 still loves the ocean fiercely
  17. and can’t wait for the next time to snorkel
  18. wants to see lava
  19. 48 loves being a grandma
  20. and also loves the teenagers
  21. is glad there are a few more years before the nest empties
  22. 48 is looking towards upcoming changes with some anxiety
  23. 48 still loves a hot bath
  24. taking pictures of roses
  25. and now dahlias
  26. 48 likes hiking but not too fast to see and photograph everything
  27. 48 is not quite as well behaved as 47 hoped she would be
  28. 48 still enjoys a good road trip but hurts a little more afterwards
  29. 48 will never be a vegetarian
  30. 48 is enjoying the abundant fruit in Oregon every summer
  31. and trying to figure out how to deal with the Oregon winters
  32. 48 binges on Netflix and fiction
  33. reads a lot of nonfiction
  34. interested in so many things
  35. 48 doesn’t think she likes cruises
  36. 48 is hoping to sew more this year
  37. wondering if there will be time to quilt again
  38. and to make a blurb book
  39. wants to plants more dahlias
  40. and figure out how to get the kids to weed without whining
  41. 48 loves fiercely, is far to selfish, doesn’t deal with disappointment well
  42. 48 is fascinated by the intersection of research and social programs
  43. is far more liberal than her family is comfortable with
  44. 48 hopes to start learning the cello in the next two years
  45. but other than that, the lava, the beach, and snorkeling, has no bucket list
  46. 48 will never be described as easy going
  47. thankfully her husband is
  48. 48 still doesn’t know what she is going to do or who she is going to be when she grows up, can’t wait to find out