One Sport I'll Not Be Participating In

I guess the Swiss are even more free spirited than I am!

Divine Inspiration

I set off this morning to take Josh to the orthodontist for a quick visit. I was rushed, hungry, and on time. (A minor miracle in my life.) After turning onto the road outside of our neighborhood I noticed that my van seemed to be leaning a little on one side.

Josh has been saying lately that there's something wrong with our tires, and he is usually right when he says that. I had checked them before we went to the beach and everything was fine then, but I decided to turn back into my neighborhood and take a look.

Once I was in the neighborhood the van seemed to be driving normally again, and I was irritated that now I was going to be late. I considered just driving right back out of the neighborhood without stopping, but I went ahead and pulled into the pool parking lot to make sure that the tires really were ok.

And this is what I saw.
In case you can't see that well enough, here are some closeups. Very scary.



When Jason changed the tire he said that there were two other torn places in in--one of which was at least that big.

When I consider the that the van has most recently been driven by Jason, and a lot of that time was on the freeway and/or with the little kids in the van too, I am amazed that the tire held together until today. What a miracle...

Brutal Revelations

Look at us...just a week ago we were carefree and happy, assuming that our best years were still ahead of us.

And then yesterday the headlines screamed the news:

Old Age Begins at 27!

The Brain's Ability Peaks at 22!

Brain Decline Starts at 27!

We're not sure where to go from here. Realizing now that we've already been old for more than 15 years.

Have we been living a lie all this time???

What NOT to Wear

On Sunday morning I hadn't planned for the girls to wear anything matching, so I told them that they could choose what they wanted to wear themselves. I assumed that whatever they chose would be sedately paired with white tights and black shoes.

I assumed wrong.


Apparently they're related to my father...


I let the pink girl keep her tights on--I figured the dress was long enough to hide most of it. But I made the blue girl (who protested "But Mom, they're both blue!") change to white tights. I just was not woman enough to let her go to church like that!

Best Intentions

Recently I came clean about one of my addictions and promised to give it up.


But then I had some free time yesterday, and stopped by the library, and...well...one thing led to another.



At least I was nice enough to get one for Russ too, so that he wouldn't have to wait until I was finished!

This I Know (part 2)

continued from yesterday...things that I have realized that I do know,
in my search to understand more about prayer...

1. God knows the end from the beginning.

In Sunday School two weeks ago in the tiny town of Hana the teacher was reviewing the previous Sunday School lesson. She reviewed the story of Martin Harris asking Joseph Smith if he could take the first 116 plates of the manuscript and then asked someone to read 1 Nephi 9:5-6:

5 Wherefore, the Lord hath commanded me to make these plates for a wise purpose in him, which purpose I know not.
6 But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words.

I felt such a surge of love for and from God in that moment. Over two thousand years before Joseph gave Martin Harris the 116 pages and Martin Harris lost them, the Lord was preparing. He truly does know the end from the beginning. Not only was he prepared for the loss of that part of the manuscript, he had directed Nephi to keep another record that would be even more valuable to us than the pages that were lost. The pages that were lost were the secular record of the people. The pages that we got instead were the spiritual history. The last chapters of 2nd Nephi are some of my favorite of the entire Book of Mormon, and I am so grateful that we have them.

2. All things can work together for our good.

Over and over in the scriptures we read this truth:

• Rom. 8: 28 — And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
• D&C 90: 24 — Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.
• D&C 100: 15 — Therefore, let your hearts be comforted; for all things shall work together for good to them that walk uprightly, and to the sanctification of the church.

Sometimes we wonder if God caused something, if it was some part of his plan, or if it just happened randomly. I think that most of the time we will never know the answer to that question. But I do have a firm conviction that however or why-ever these things happen, they can help us. Which leads me to my next point:

3. Trials are a necessary part of our mortal experience. Our trials shape us and help us become the people God knows we can be.

Last week we went to sacrament meeting in Morehead City, about 30 minutes from the beach where we spent the weekend. I was so tempted not to go. We only set an alarm on the cell phone, expecting that it would automatically update to daylight savings time, and it did not. Which meant that no one woke up until 8:00 AM. In addition, we couldn't find an iron in the beach house so everyone had to go with very wrinkled clothes, and one of the girls had a terrible rash all over her body. (Which wasn't contagious, just in case you're wondering.) I knew before we left that we would be more than 15 minutes late. There seemed to be as many reasons for not going as there were for going. But we went anyway. We hadn't been there more than 5 minutes before I was so glad that we were there.

The stake patriarch talked about adversity. He started his talk by saying that the natural man in each of us says that we would prefer not to have adversity. I was so glad to know that it's not just me — my natural man is afraid of adversity and doesn't want any for me or for any of the people that I love. In fact, my natural man wants life to be a beach vacation!

After he acknowledged that we all would rather not experience adversity, he went on to talk about it in a way that touched my heart. One of his quotes was from Orson F. Whitney:

No pain we suffer, no trial we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our souls and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God ... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which makes us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.

When I am feeling frustrated about a difficult situation I try to remember a quote I read a few years ago by Spencer W. Kimball. I was almost startled when I read it, because he states in unequivocal terms how necessary these experiences are.

"Should all of our prayers be immediately answered according to our selfish desires and our limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment, or even death; and if these were not, there would be an eternal absence of joy, sickness, resurrection, eternal life, and godhood."

As much as I don't want to experience adversity myself or to have anyone I love experience adversity, I believe these quotes. Cindy Lynn is such an example of these principles. She has experienced more trials in her 20 years that most people twice her age — and it shows. She has a profound spiritual maturity, and I frequently find myself learning from her insights.

4. Blessings come from our trials that could not have come in any other way.

I've blogged a few months ago about this here.

5. God loves us more than we can understand.

Or at least more than I can understand.

I think that we do a good job at church of reminding each other that because of the atonement, Christ understands our suffering. I have always loved the scripture in Alma 7:11-12

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Too often, though, I forget that more is involved than Christ understanding our pain. I love the explanation Elder Holland gives of the word "succor":

[Succor] is used often in the scriptures to describe Christ’s care for and attention to us. It means literally “to run to.” What a magnificent way to describe the Savior’s urgent effort in our behalf! Even as he calls us to come to him and follow him, he is unfailingly running to help us.

I think that for me, part of the problem in comprehending how much God loves me is that my understanding is limited by my mortal inadequacies. I can only understand love in the way I love, and that is such a human and imperfect love. My love is imperfect when I am impatient, uncharitable, selfish, tired, depressed, and I could go on and on. But both our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us completely and perfectly. I love to read the scripture verses that describe their love for us. The imagery is so powerful.

Isaiah 49:15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

Isaiah 54: 10 For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee…

These are the most improbable examples. Can a woman forget her nursing baby? I am here to tell you that the answer to that question is no. Would the mountains depart or the hills be removed? No! And yet both of those things would be more likely to happen than God forgetting us or his kindness leaving us. And then the final statement of love—how could we ever doubt him...

Isaiah 49:16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands…

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I am still perplexed about prayer. But I feel an enormous measure of comfort in understanding that these questions are about me and what my part is supposed to be. I have been almost surprised to realize that I actually really do trust God’s plan. His plan for my brother in law, his plan for my friend, his plan for my daughter, and his plan for me.

And while I would really like answers to my questions about prayer (because I’m the kind of person who really likes her questions answered, and quickly please) perhaps the answers I’ve received are the answers that I really needed all along....

(By the way--Elder Bednar said later in his talk that "praying for others with all of the energy of our souls increases our capacity to hear and to heed the voice of the Lord" So I have decided that while I don't understand very much about it, I will keep praying for other people!)

This I Know (part 1)

Recently when I had a lot of time alone in a car I listened to Elder Bednar's talk from the last conference--twice. He told the story that on the day that he and his wife had learned that a dear family friend had died, a visiting general authority made the suggestion that his wife include only expressions of gratitude in their family prayer. In October when I was listening to Elder Bednar give this talk, I was immediately offended in his behalf. How dare another person--even a general authority--tell them what and how to pray? This general authority had no idea of the situation their family was experiencing and should not have been telling them how to pray. (Yes it's true--I do argue with church leaders in my mind!)

I think my irritation with that counsel caused me to miss out on what came next in his talk. In fact, I didn't really start to understand it until I listened for the second time in the car. Elder Bednar explained:

Sister Bednar responded in faith to the direction she received. She thanked Heavenly Father for meaningful and memorable experiences with this dear friend. She communicated sincere gratitude for the Holy Ghost as the Comforter and for the gifts of the Spirit that enable us to face adversity and to serve others. Most importantly, she expressed appreciation for the plan of salvation, for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, for His Resurrection, and for the ordinances and covenants of the restored gospel which make it possible for families to be together forever.

Our family learned from that experience a great lesson about the power of thankfulness in meaningful prayer. Because of and through that prayer, our family was blessed with inspiration about a number of issues that were pressing upon our minds and stirring in our hearts. We learned that our gratefulness for the plan of happiness and for the Savior’s mission of salvation provided needed reassurance and strengthened our confidence that all would be well with our dear friends. We also received insights concerning the things about which we should pray and appropriately ask in faith.

I started to understand that even though Sister Bednar didn't pray about the death of their friend in the way that seemed (to me) most obvious, the Lord still blessed them with the understandings that they needed at that time.

The thing that was interesting to me about this experience was that the information came to them in a sideways sort of way (sorry, I can't think of a better way to explain it) rather than in the logical ask->receive format that I would expect.

As I thought about this that night in the car I realized that I have been having a similar experience in my own life. For more than 6 months I've been having a lot of questions about prayer and how it works in our lives. It started when my wonderful brother in law was laid off last summer--right after all three of his children entered the MTC. I prayed fervently that he would find a new job, of course. But in the back of my mind many questions surfaced. Sure, I wanted to pray for him. But what good did my prayers really do? Would Heavenly Father actually withhold some blessing from him if I didn't add my prayers? Was there a critical mass--a "tipping point" at which some blessings would become available if enough people prayed? What if Heavenly Father didn't mean for him to have a new job right then? What benefit was it--to either him or me--for me to pray for him?

My questions about prayer have resurfaced as I have worried and prayed about my friend Katie. I have felt like I have probably wearied the Lord with my prayers for her and her family. And I have been constantly aware that when I pray I have so many questions and what feels like no understanding at all.

I have (of course) talked with many people about the questions going on in my mind. I've gotten all sorts of different responses--from "don't think about it and just keep praying" (yeah, right!) to "I don't know either." And so I keep thinking, and talking, and praying--hoping that at some point I will begin to understand more. (Let me clarify my "yeah right!" response. Of course I will keep praying. But no one who truly knows me would ever, ever think that I can just stop thinking about it!)

In the last few weeks I've become aware that some different thoughts and feelings have started to emerge. It seems that as I've spent all of this time exploring the things that I don't understand, some truths that I do understand have started to stand out--almost coming in from my peripheral vision as I stare at the question of prayer. It has been a quiet relief to realize that even though I have so many questions about prayer, I also have some firm points of testimony to hold on to.

These truths turn out not to be about prayer at all; instead they have to do with having faith about the kinds of situations that I've been praying about.

Stay tuned for Part 2!