Finding Charity

 

A couple of years ago I started noticing something interesting.  I noticed that quite often as I walked out of church on a Sunday, I felt an unexpected amount of love towards everyone in my life.  The first time or two I just noticed it without paying much attention.  But as time went on and I noticed it more regularly, I started thinking about it.

After all, I was working hard in the rest of my life to behave in loving ways towards the people around me, and yet sometimes it was really hard to feel loving enough in my heart. 

And yet there I would be, having done nothing but go to church, walking out of the double glass doors and onto the sidewalk feeling like I loved anyone and everyone.

I was perplexed.  And intrigued.

 

I thought about it for a long time and  finally decided that it must be a combination of two things.  Because I am an extrovert, church is usually a positive experience socially for me.  But even more importantly, church is a place where there is a good likelihood that I will feel the spirit.  My hypothesis was (and is) that spending several hours in a place where I can feel the spirit helps me be able to have charity in a different way. 

 

I guess this gives me another reason to keep my wandering heart in places where it can feel the spirit. 

So that I can be nice to the rest of you.

 

PS—Even as I typed this I realized—I usually (usually) act nicely.  Because I’m well behaved, and generally prosocial.  (A new word that I learned at education week.  The opposite of antisocial.)  My problem with charity (that I am continually repenting for) is that while I may be well behaved, I am often so unloving in my heart.  I’m truly and continually grateful that there isn’t a printout on my forehead showing the world all of the thoughts going through my head.  But I know they’re there, and that I need to keep striving for more charity…

PPS—Yes, I have Sundays where I come out of church feeling like my heart/soul was disconnected the entire time I was there and I felt nothing.  I will have to pay attention and see if, on any of these days, I feel loving.