Floating Back to Sanity

Earlier tonight I floated on my back in the pool, enjoying the feeling of the warm water while I watched the evening sky.  The half-moon was just above me, a jet flew high overhead, and the lowering sun lightened the edges above the trees.

I love floating on my back in the water; love the feeling of being supported, the muted sounds from water in my ears, the total relaxation.

That moment was a contrast from the rest of this week.  After our lovely but exhausting beach trip on Monday the rest of the week was a whirlwind.  I had to take Jared to Day Camp every morning and pick him up every afternoon, take everyone to swim practice in the morning and the evening, give advice while Jason painted all of the interior doors, meet with the air-conditioning salesman, take pictures during two swim meets (one of them in the full sun while it was 95 degrees), take individual pictures for all of the swim team members, and go to book club.  And still feed people.  There wasn’t even time to email a friend, my week was that busy.

As I lay there in the water I felt terrible about my week as a mother.  Sure, I drove everyone places, got them where they needed to be, but there was NONE of me left to spend quality time with any of my kids. 

It was a good reality check for me.  Sometimes I feel guilty that I am not a “soccer mom.”  I wasn’t before I had triplets, and I really haven’t been since they were born.  I know that there are many moms who successfully take their children to lots and lots of activities, and it works well for their families.  But it doesn’t for us.

Perhaps I needed that reminder this week.  The reminder that I cannot be the mom I want to be—the reading mom, the game-playing mom, the piano teaching mom, the craft enabling mom—if I am exhausted from being the driving-all-over mom.  And in the end, it is those things I want.  I want my kids to remember that we read together, that we laughed and played together.  I want them to remember that I made them ugly smoothies every morning and that when I baked bread we had scones for lunch.  I want them to remember being with me, not looking at the back of my (cranky) head in the car.

And that is why, after I was done floating on my back tonight, I played water volleyball with Russ and the kids.  We yelled and we leapt in the air trying to hit the beachball and got water up our noses when we fell back into the water.  We high-fived when we hit the ball over the net and groaned when we missed.  We must have looked like we were having fun, because all of the other kids in the pool came to play. 

That is the mom I want to be.