I have in my mind an image of what my life will look like, will feel like. It will be a life of deliberateness and connection and above all, a life with a measured tempo.
Instead.
Instead…
Instead I feel myself hurtling, projectile-like, from one calendar item to the next, the breaks in between inevitably crammed with the necessary minutiae of living and raising a family.
I find myself unwilling to give things up, to pare back where I could. I can see why some would, but in cutting back I would lose the things that are for me, the things that add zest and happiness to life.
And so I will keep on keeping on. Hurtling through time and space, wishing for that calm picture in my mind and yet knowing that it cannot, it will not exist. Because I am unwilling to make it happen.
You must have been listening in on Brian's and my tearful conversation last night! (my tears, not his) I so hear you! I'm still under the delusion that it CAN work... Somehow... If I could only create that perfect schedule where everything gets done and I still have plenty of extra time... Somehow.
ReplyDeleteThis, too, shall pass, then you'll wonder where the years went.
ReplyDelete