God’s Economy/He Knew

 

As I wrote about my experience singing in sacrament meeting on Sunday, I was puzzled.  I wrote about how much I know spiritually that this move is the right thing for us, and yet how hard it is for me to accept.  I wondered as I typed why I couldn’t be more faithful to what I know, and trust more that as we follow Heavenly Father’s plan we will be happy.

I find, as I think about it a little more, that this situation fits in with my “God’s economy” theory. This theory is that Heavenly Father never gives more inspiration/help/guidance than is necessary. Situations that are easy or that we are naturally drawn to typically need less help,  guidance, or inspiration. With situations that are difficult or that we might not choose on our own , I think Heavenly Father provides more inspiration to direct us and/or to give us reassurance that we are making the right decision.

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I used to be perplexed that when I prayed about whether or not to marry Russ, I felt comfortable about my decision.  But when we came to look at this house after our other house sold, I knew clearly and specifically that this was the place we were supposed to live.  I wondered why I would get only a general peaceful feeling about marrying Russ, but such a specific answer about living in this house.  At some point Cindy Lynn suggested that it was because Heavenly Father knew that I was going to NEED to know that we were supposed to be living in here.

It was true.  The first year we lived here was so hard for me.  Have you ever moved with three 1 year olds?  It was not pretty.  The house was ugly, the walls were atrocious, and I could never unpack a box.  If it wasn’t for Nancy we would have been living out of boxes forever, but she came in and unpacked the whole kitchen so that we could function.  But as hard as it was and as much as I didn’t love the house at first, I knew it was the right place. 

When Cindy Lynn started seminary and it was so far away, I reminded myself that Heavenly Father already knew this.  When Russ’s commute got longer and longer, and I worried about how much time he was spending in the car and how much less time we had with him I reassured myself that Heavenly Father already knew this too.  When gas went up to $4/gallon and I was afraid to calculate the cost of seminay and Russ’s commute, once again I trusted that if Heavenly Father had put us in that house, it was going to be ok.  And it was.  I have been grateful that I was given that witness all those years ago to help me in each of those situations.

 

Last Thursday the relocation specialist called.  We had been waiting for them to give us the price point that determines how much we can list the house for.  The price that she told me was lower than we had expected.  But then she went on to say that the relocation company recommendation was that we list for $5,000 less than that, and that their prediction was that we would sell for $10,000 less for that.

I was stunned.

If their prediction is right, we will loose $35,000.  All along I have comforted myself that at least we bought our house 10 years ago—before the “big boom” years, so we wouldn’t have to sell for a lot less than we paid.  In that moment I saw over half of our down payment evaporating into thin air. 

I did not handle it well.

I cried, and cried, and cried.  For the whole afternoon, to everyone who talked to me. 

Then, at some waterlogged point, I had a realization.  He knew this too.  He knew that in 2012 our house wouldn’t be worth what we paid for it in 2001.  I had to think about this for a while—it wasn’t a mental or emotional leap I could make immediately.  It took me a couple of days to get to the point that I am starting to feel a little better about it.  I don’t know what it means.  I don’t know how it’s all going to work out.  It’s probably not going to be as comfortable as I had hoped it would be.  But—He already knew this.

And I really did need to know that.

 

[After talking with several realtors we are hopeful that, while we will most certainly sell at a loss, it will not be a $35,000 loss.  At least we’re praying not.  Really, really hard.]