How to Guarantee Insanity: a Photo Essay

Take these people



and two younger friends to

So that they can buy a rodent with their own money.
("We promise, mommy, it won't cost you anything!)

Try to be patient as they pet every dog that walks by
and examine every rodent available
while speaking in high squeaky animated voices.

Assure store employees that all of these children
will not play with the poor rodent every day.
Promise store employees that only one child per day
will be allowed to touch rodent.
Heave a sigh of relief when store employee reluctantly
agrees to sell you rodent.

Learn that the rodent is a communal animal
and must be purcha$ed with his $ibling.

Buy some

And a
As well some exercise equipment.


And a "hide" to sleep in. Or to "hide" in.

Lastly but not leastly, a heat lamp so that the rodents
will not go into hibernation
when the heat goes off every night.


(Cheaper than keeping the house warm at night, right?)

Let them pay for one rodent.

Pay for the re$t yourself.

Listen to 5 excited children argue about
who's turn it is to hold the rodents in the box.

Cancel all other errands.

Play deaf for the rest of the drive home.


Let children place rodents in their new home.
Give thanks that the one who makes a dash for freedom
and jumps off the table doesn't
A)escape or
B)die.


Finally admit (late one night while alone) that twin rodents are pretty cute!


The End